We are family

Last night, I saw a family reunited.  While walking the dog, I waited in anticipation for Hilary's car to appear around the curve and pull into her usual parking spot in front of her apartment. By this point, I had already taken out the trash, lent an eye to the mouthwatering fragrance emitting from the crockpot, made the bed, swept the kitchen, and generally tidied up. The last thing left was walking the dog. I wanted everything to be perfect when she arrived, for this was finally the blessed day on which her children came home forever.

Hilary loved being in a family before the separation and divorce, in fact, I truly believe it was her reason for living. She seemed to miss every facet of what the bond stood for and what it provided her heart and soul with. She doesn't know this but I prayed daily for the moment when her kids could move back so that she could hold them whenever she wanted or needed to. See, I could tell that Hilary was missing something inside, and although she was almost always a positive and upbeat individual, behind it there was a secret longing. She wanted to feel like a mother again. Her children are the entire world to her, so of course, they are also very important to me.

The dog stopped dead in her tracks, lifting both ears to the sound of a car pulling up behind us. She turned around, ran, and dragged me towards the blue Saturn that I had been waiting on. As the driver door opened, I could immediately hear little voices screaming in excitement. My heart lifted as Hilary and her daughter, Cori got out of the car. I turned the dog's leash over to Cori and offered my help to her mother in removing her son, Avery from the carseat.

To make a long story short, the evening was filled with dinner, the Disney Channel, bath time, then finally with pictures and popcorn. Most of the time I kept myself out of the way, doing dishes or cleaning up the kitchen, while Hilary was a mother to her children. It was so special to watch the three of them interact and I fully enjoyed being a fly on the wall, watching a family just be. I felt warm every time Hilary scooped up one of her angels, spun them around, and planted kisses on their little faces. She looked happy and it radiated from her like the brightest sunshine.  I felt like I was part of a family again, the mom handling the kids baths while the dad cleaned up dinner and picked up the toys. It's very surreal to feel like that, like a living scene from your favorite movie. It was that moment when I realized that I missed being a part of a family as much as Hilary did. Maybe that's what I exist for, perhaps its what I long for. It sure felt like it as we laughed, wrestled, and snacked our way through Mikey's Clubhouse. It was a wonderfully complete feeling and I'm so lucky to have experienced it. Last night, I saw a family reunited.

Prisoners

Why are we prisoners of our fears,
And how did we lose control?
A final product of painful years,
Or devastation of the whole?
Limping, we walk throughout the world,
Growing stunted in our minds.
Becoming the little boys and girls,
That we tried to leave behind.
What's the solution to overcome,
To trust when there's nothing left,
To forge the pieces back to one,
And silence demons in our head?
I haven't a clue, but I remain intact,
Completely owed for my times of strife.
Once ahead I swear I'll never look back,
I am FEARLESS in my brand new life.

Silenced

I spoke her name with a subtle breath,
There were things I refused to say aloud.
No proclamation of love from the top of the hill,
I tried to scream there was no sound.
It was not that I wanted to keep her hidden,
No chance in hell that I wasn't proud.
I was locked up and loaded down by the past,
Plus the world knew too much of me now.
I didn't see it I said, but that was a lie,
For the guilt inside kept me breathless.
Silenced and shamed by my failing past life,
I really needed my soul to feel restless.
I saw the hurt on her face and the tear in her eye,
Then I knew what had to be done.
I screamed it aloud for the whole world to hear,
"This is my girl, and she is the one."

Questions

Her eyes of blue and green gaze right through me,
As if she knows my soul inside and out.
I don't understand what she sees in this man,
Then one perfect grin erases my doubt.
When I ask, she says its nothing,
But her face glows with anticipation.
I want nothing more than to know what she thinks,
Then her kiss melts any reservation.

Rebirth

Rebirth....a man coming out of his shell,
One he closed himself inside, a deep dark well.
Fear had me pinned down, locked up, immobile.
A breaking heart, its lonely sound,
I'd become so shy and humble.
Scared of my own shadow,
I was afraid of the darkness too.
As the sun set upon the meadow,
My apprehension grew.
I reached out into the dark,
Hoping to find a guiding hand.
I fixed my eyes upon a tiny spark,
And longed to understand.
The spark transformed into a beautiful light,
And there stood a lonely girl.
She wrapped her hand in mine so tight,
I saw the disappearance of the world.
We continued on though we felt afraid,
Relying solely on each other.
Trust can make bad memories fade,
We took a chance, and then another.
So now we don't ask questions why,
Our hearts evolve like seasons.
I've watched us grow in the blink of an eye,
Things happen for a reason.

She wants to be in love

She wants to be in love
but she's frightened by the past,
How can a strong foundation crumble
and a hunger become a fast?
She wants to be in love
but she's been hurt before,
How can the best intentions fail
and forever become no more?
She wants to be in love again
but her memory stings with pain,
Yet how can a flower grow in the desert
And a caged canary sing?
Yes, she wants to be in love
and she'll try with her last breath,
It takes great strength to walk again
After living through a death.

Society

Life on this planet never changes, people just walk by,
I get down and rearrange it, inside my minds eye.
And when I feel like giving up, then I realize,
You gotta play the hand that you're dealt, til you die.
There are times I wanna get in my car and just drive away,
Leave all my heavy worries behind, for a rainy day.
Then I hear that little voice in my head say,
The world is yours kid, just live for today.
An individual, living in a world full of clones,
Its all residual, we'd die without our cellphones.
We're fuckin pitiful, all of the suit-wearin drones,
It makes me miserable, trying to be unknown.
My thoughts control me, they make up who I am,
Hard to ignore see, there's times I dont give a damn.
Life's like a radio, and the channels keep switchin,
Shit makes me wanna blow, my fingers on the ignition.
Cuz there's an evil face, behind every closed door,
Bad deeds we can't erase, chalklines on the floor.
Are we redeemable, for the lies we create?
Its inconceivable, makes my thoughts turn to hate.
Just wake me up please, because I must be asleep
We need an escape route, geez, the shits gettin deep.
Whats gonna happen when it comes down like rain,
Will it just keep going on, again and again?