"What you see right there is the clitoris and the labia...yep you're having a girl. There's definitely no mistaking that...." The words were life-changing as they so casually spilled from the ultrasound tech's smiling lips. We are having a girl. Goodbye Desmond James, so long Atticus, we won't be needing you on this one. Moments before, as I looked at the TV screen and at what I was sure was a baby penis, I have to admit I felt deflated. Until that very second, I hadn't realized exactly how much I dreamed of having a little girl. In my last post, it became fairly clear to me which way I was leaning but I had no idea I would feel so disappointed during the moments when I was sure it was going to be a boy. Luckily, what I thought was a penis was actually the umbilical cord and the rest is history. Now I just find myself thinking of the perfect name, or what she will look like, maybe what her personality will be. It's so exciting to imagine a little girl looking up to me as her Daddy. This is truly the final piece I needed to feel fully connected to the pregnancy.
This experience has even made me look at Cori in a new and special way. Maybe I see her as practice for what's to come, or maybe as a teacher. Either way, I've been really trying to get close to her and understand her as we approach our unborn daughter's due date. I'm realizing that here's definitely something different about little girls, but in a much distinct way than I previously thought. They are far more dramatic, yes, but also so much sweeter and more sharing of their emotions. For instance, Avery and Fox don't give out many hugs or kisses, and when they do its brief. Cori on the other hand has to be physically removed from me sometimes during a tight embrace. She is a very big hugger, kisser, and user of the words "I love you." The more time that I spend with her, the more I understand what Hilary meant when she spoke of Cori's loving side. I didn't notice until recently but she's starting to open me up as well. I found myself wanting to read to her the other night and feeling true love in my heart as I tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. The words "Goodnight, I love you" felt as genuine coming out of my mouth as they do when I'm talking to Fox. It was an extremely real feeling and much needed as Cori has a unique way of stomping on her mother's and my last nerve. Afterall, we share the ADD gene and I know how frustrating and maddening we can be. So much so that Hilary and I have openly shared our hopes for a laid back child, far more tame than our hyper little Cori and Fox. I know that God has a sense of humor, but I can't imagine him being sadistic enough to bestow two parents with three hyper and emotional children. I guess we will see.
As July 2nd approaches, Hilary and I get closer to picking a name for our daughter. I'm pretty sure that we want her first name to be Lyric and her middle name to be Olivia but we have also considered middle names of Jordan and Elaine, both of which carry a familial tie. Hilary keeps questioning whether or not it's important to use a family name, mainly because both of her kids have family based middle names. On the other hand there's me with a son named Fox Rocket. I truly do wonder if my family was hurt when Amber and I didn't choose a family name for him, but they never expressed it to me so either way I feel okay. In the end, I feel like using a family name is very traditional, and for that reason people feel drawn to it, but it can also hurt family just the same when their particular name isn't chosen over another one. I like to keep the worrying out of it and just go with something meaningful to the parents, whatever that may be. I'm certain that this is the way we will go when making the final decision. Lyric Olivia has such a great ring to it though, doesn't it?
In closing I feel like I should simply say that here we are, halfway there, with three part time kids and one full timer on the way, living comfortably in our new house. The fastest ride continues and I find myself letting go a little more as time goes by. I'm loosening my grip on the rail and have just begun to put my hands in the air. Indeed I feel alive.
No comments:
Post a Comment