TGIF

Thank God its Friday!!  This has seemed like an extremely long week as many of them do, but this one especially. Maybe its because work has been extra monotonous, or perhaps because I haven't seen Hilary in 3 days because of a different schedule keeping Fox and her busy work and school week. Actually that's a lie because I saw her for lunch yesterday. Isn't it funny how we forget these things so quickly and turn into a flower in the midst of a heavy drought, thirsty for what keeps us alive? Hilary's company has been keeping me alive lately. I haven't had any moments in a few weeks where I found myself back-sliding into complete sadness over my impending divorce. Even though Amber told me today that when I pick Fox up on Sunday that her boyfriend will be there as a result of an overnight Saturday visit, my mood cannot be dampened. I finally have something and someone else to keep my busy mind occupied and I feel my shriveled heart re-inflating each day that passes. I don't mean to sound glib because Fox is my inspiration for life, but his face sometimes reminded me of Amber and as bad as it sounds, that was often times painful. He is truly the sweetest child I know and he has a great knack of knowing exactly when Daddy's soul needs a lift, offering his arms to me and laying his head on my shoulder when I pick him up. He's started to say "hey Dada" with which he pats me on the back. That is the most wonderful feeling I have had in my 36 years. But I sometimes selfishly feel like I don't see him all that much (which is sad because Hilary and many other people don't have the joy of seeing their children nearly as often), and come to miss him really bad on those off nights. Maybe this is what its supposed to feel like when a family is split, like its never enough that you see them, combined with the dread of being replaced in their life. I tell myself every day that I will always keep my foot securely planted in the door of his life. This thought keeps me going.

I am excited to get off of work today, especially because Hilary and I are going to make up for not seeing each other for basically three days by spending three days in a row together.  We had planned to go to our favorite dive, Fitzpatrick's, tonight for some Bud Lights and darts, our new favorite thing. But unfortunately, she woke up this morning with pink eye in both eyes. When she messaged me this morning claiming to have bad news, my heart sunk, and I was certain she was going to tell me something had come up and that she wasn't going to make it.  Selfishly again, the pink eye was a relief of sorts. She had a weird time at the doctor like we all do but seems to be handling it well. Since I know she isn't up for a night out I decided to bring the darts to her. We planned on buying a dart board for her apartment so we can play there anytime we want, a brilliant idea for two single people with very little money. She even offered to cook dinner for me which is definitely one of the ways to my heart, as I value the art of cooking. Plus, Amber could not cook at all so any night that a woman prepares me dinner is a real treat.

Tomorrow's plans consist of going to Carolina Ale House, the bar we attended on our first "date", for some beer and football. You probably don't know this about me but college football is one reason for my existence. I love the game and I love the Florida State Seminoles. I was so happy when she agreed to go with me, as its hard these days to find friends to watch football with since they are all busily married with children. Hilary has apparently committed herself to liking football this year, which was not per my request but indeed a nice bonus, and I have agreed to patiently teach her more about the game. I am excited!!